needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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