Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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