WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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