All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
