highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
