A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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