Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
