so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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