I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
