can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
