I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
