Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
