I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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