"it" just moved
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
