Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
