Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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