Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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