dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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