I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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