the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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