In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
