i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
