thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
