Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
