Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
