I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
