No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
