this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize