remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
