can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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