We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
