I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
