Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
