My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
