he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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