Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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