Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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