The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
