I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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