I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
