im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
