Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
