I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
