If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
