i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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