Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sober January is a disaster.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
