is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
