After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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