my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
