just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
