I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
