she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
