What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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