I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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