Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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